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Published on July 18, 2026

October 2026

Sexy Trump statue on display at European Parliament

A 7-foot-tall masterpiece by Danish artist Jens Galschiot has gone on display at the EU Parliament building in Strasbourg, France. Titled "The Orange Plague," the hyper-realistic and dangerously sensual statue portrays the 23-karat-piss-coated U.S. leader as nude as the day Satan spawned him, weilding an oversized golf club and riding a smaller man.🐊

Real men ❤️ bestiality pr0n

UK court filings reveal that Andrew "Master Baiter" Tate is a connoisseur of the finest inter-species visual erotica—yes, horses and eels. It's not yet known if this is the reason that bug-eyed race-traitor Kash Patel loosened FBI employment restrictions to allow the hiring of big, strong buff men who have been convicted of animal sex crimes.🐊

Dumb bitch cop murdered man, set to be released early

In an effort to revitalize Gov. Greg Abbott's racist base ahead of the midterm elections, the Abbott-appointed Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles has approved the parole of drunk pig Amber Guyger prior to the completion of her already short prison sentence for murdering a Black man who was eating ice cream in his own apartment.🐊

Malibu speed camera implementation delayed because literally everyone is speeding

The uppity city of Malibu, Calif., is delaying its speed violation camera program because there were 100,000 violations in a four-day test period. Are they afraid of making so much money or are celebrities being persnickety about their own privacy and tracking? Probably just poor planning.🐊

September 2026

Turgid Tuberville torches traveling therians

With his unhinged ravings about “gender confusion”-afflicted furry pilots terrorizing the airwaves with perverse meowing, Sen. Tommy Tuberville is attempting to resurrect ridiculous moral panic—while getting his rocks off discussing fictional fetish fears.🐊

Man charged with raping multiple children set to become Louisiana police chief

"Everyone needs to relax," the mayor of Elizabeth, La., advised. "Christopher Paul, who is unopposed in the race to become your police chief, has simply been charged with raping two innocent and honest 13-year-old girls—he hasn't yet been convicted."🐊

Deal of the century: For every $435 spent, Anthropic will give you $1

Ahead of Anthropic's IPO, investors are ecstatic to learn the company lost $42 billion last year, which is nothing compared to what they'll be able to do once they jack up the costs to use their Claude AI and everyone dumps the service, leading Anthropic to be unable to pay Nvidia and/or every other crooked company in on the AI circlejerk. God be praised!🐊

Lonestar MAGA city throws tantrum, cancels cops

The people of Keller, Texas (Republican by 20 points), were none too pleased when officials for neighboring Westlake (overwhelmingly GOP, by 40+ points) approved a massive threat to sanity and livelihood data center along their shared border. Now, Westlake—which doesn't have its own police force—is cancelling it's contract with Keller PD, a pissy maneuver that will only hurt their own residents but will surely make one impotent, rotund man in D.C. proud. Criminals rejoice.🐊

'If I can't have it, no one can! Wah!'

Since Orange Hitler isn't allowed to unilaterally add his name to the Kennedy Center, his Kantankerous Kangeroo Kourt of appointed directors decided to shutter the historic venue that honors the memory of the beloved, assassinated JFK. But that's not enough, now the fat bitch wants to illegally demolish the Kennedy Center. If he wants to be like Kennedy so much...🐊

Under oath, Kash Patel declares he's cool with bestiality

Head Spook Patel is open to hiring people who fuck animals or, as he refers to the, "the victims of bestiality." His unintelligible oral diarrhea suggested he also supports the FBI hiring canines that brutally traffic and rape humans. Patel totally isn't into bestiality personally, I mean, he's got a girlfriend...she's foreign and you just haven't met her.🐊

Man up: Trump Jr. gets gender-affirming procedures

In order to prove he's all man—despite what his former partners, father and sisters say—Donald Trump Jr. underwent body-modifying, gender-affirming procedures in an apparent attempt to convince his new bitch into thinking that he might be able to make her cum.🐊

The US can control the weather!

No major Atlantic hurricanes have struck the U.S. mainland this year, a fact that, according to the White House, is all thanks to President Trump. Leveraging this scandalous evidence, Tucker Carlson is expediting the production of his new investigative special, "Kushner, the Mossad and How the Elite Will Use Weather to Make You Slaves."🐊

Putin-aligned oligarch funded Don Jr.'s Bahama wedding

Russian oligarch, Umar Kremlev, spent hundreds of thousands on expenses including renting out a private island for the affair. But Donald Trump Jr. demanded that Kremlev covered just a small portion of the total cost, noting, "Milei is the real hero! Thanks for the coke, El Peluca!"🐊

The Epstein administration repatriates US Embassy sicko

A U.S. embassy worker in southwest London was flown back to America without being interviewed by British law enforcement after allegedly receiving child sex abuse imagery from his brother. When asked what he thinks about diplomatic imunity, Barron Trump exclaimed, "Ha! I don't even work at the embassy!"🐊

White House website launches racist, xenophobic video game

Jealous of the coverage GTA VI is receiving—and thinking that the E.T. game for the Atari 2600 wasn't shitty enough—the White House website now includes "Rio Run," a really dumb in-browser "game" in which you play Border Czar Tom Homan and move around catching brown-skinned characters. Citing overly complex 8-bit graphics, the administration abandoned plans to also include the NES rom hack "Super KKK Bros." 🐊

Small-dick cult leader intent on destroying US

Sweating profusely, exhibiting significant cognitive impairment and terrified of his inevitable, eternal damnation, Trump implored his minions to cheat in the upcoming midterm elections during his speech at the KKK Rally GOP Midterm Convention in Dallas that observers say felt like a sermon from Jonestown. "This speech was like some sort of performance art piece of a live entombing of a mad king and his most loyal followers."🐊

Wealthy drug addict, inseminator cries 'psy op,' throws virtual tantrum

The world's richest petulant child person interrupted his ketamine -> masturbate-in-a-cup -> do-financial-crimes cycle to rant on social media calling the new documentary Musk "boring as fuck." A fitting description since it features Elmo. Related: A minor Cybertruck accident cost $60k to repair.🐊

'Totally gay' town squanders opioid funds on dystopian surveillance infrastructure

"Yo, we gotta cop a whole grip of new Flock cams and re-up that hookup with literally the most hated clowns on the planet, bro!" Washington Township, N.J., leaders decided as a way to help those whose lives have been harmed by greedy, narcotic-pushing pharmaceutical companies. Upon learning of this outrageous spending, leaders of Jersey towns that used their share of the settlement on cool shit like muscle cars and concerts derided Washington Township with an assortment of homophobic slurs.🐊

Trump reduces cost of unlicensed beef, pharmaceuticals

660 million pounds of Trump Steaks bargain mystery meat is entering the U.S. market following Trump's meeting with a corrupt Brazilian meatpacker who did time for doling out $186 million in bribes to politicians. Experts say the meat could be years old and tainted with banned antibiotics, anti-parasitic drugs and industrial cleansers. In yet another rebuke of the administration, Joe Rogan poo-pooed this protein boon and reminded his wannabe-comedian fanboys to only eat what they kill...which means the Comedy Mothership is currently the safest place in America and incels are going vegan.🐊

GOP House candidate coke conspiracy foiled

"Show me the coca!" Missouri Republican House candidate Thomas Ross possibly said to himself when allegedly concocting a plan to put cocaine and Adderall in the vehicle of a primary opponent. The good news: Ross defeated that oponent (though, just barely). The bar news: Ross has been arrested on charges of conspiring to distribute controlled substances. 🐊

YOLO Milo’s horrible, no-good, very-bad homecoming

Milo Yiannopoulos, the UK-born racist pedo-stan who married a Black guy, is gay or maybe isn't any longer, former staffer of Ye, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Nick Fuentes was detained by the even more racist ICE and sent back to his native swamp. Supporters are concerned that, at 41, he's no longer eligible to join the local rent-boy union.🐊

Pissing on history, Trump shows solidarity with Texas dendrophobe, kills trees

Continually jealous of JFK's bedroom achievements with actual adult females, President Trump ordered the removal of symbolic weeping willow trees from the Kennedy Center. Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who was paralyzed in 1984 when God crushed him with a tree, declined to comment because the lectern was too tall.🐊