home
Monday, July 20
Trump embarrasses his family, US on world stage, again
Donald Trump and footie bestie Gianni Infantino were booed as they took to the field during the World Cup trophy presentation ceremony. The U.S. president then stumbled around awkwardly, unable to feign being a conscious human, while trying to make the celebration about him.🐊
Homoerotic side of GOP's masculinity mania obvious in sweetpants
Congresswoman Becca Balint thinks there's something queer about Sweet Petey Hegseth's fixation on masculinity, noting the obsession with manliness while villainizing the LGBTQ community at the same time.🐊
Don't boof the queen...unless you're this guy
The Beemaster™ inspires awe and grace despite or perhaps due to having seemingly kiestered the queen.🐊
Real leadership: Deer blood baths, mutant strawberries, Franklenstein lab
Aging despot Vladimir Gloria Putin is afraid to die and refusing to go gracefully into the light, flailing for immortality with a multibillion-dollar, RFK Jr.-inspired plan that includes his daughter, pig organs, a mountain lair that totally doesn't have a wall of anal toys and mutant strawberries.🐊
Sunday, July 19
Russian asset's brother arrested in aloha pedo bust
The brother of former U.S. Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has been arrested and charged after allegedly trying to lure children to a Waikiki hotel room. The case stemmed from a "stranger danger" call to police last week.🐊
War secretary to mandate gender-affirming care
In an effort to keep U.S. troops on the "leading edge of lethality" while also increasing their risk of cancer, war criminal and former basic cable talking head Pete Hegseth announced service members aged 30 and older will undergo mandatory testosterone tests.🐊
Obese dementia patient cries 'foreign election interference' to justify his own
In the U.S. president's ongoing gaslighting campaign, he no longer treats the American people him as voters; he treats them as suspects to be implicated in convoluted, phony crimes.🐊
ICE gives brain-damaged unemployable license to kill
The ICE officer who allegedly killed a man in Maine has been suffering from lingering cognitive issues after an I-beam hit his dome and beats women, according to 2023 court proceedings. So, either employs violent, brain-damaged dolts or this dude be scammin'.🐊
Saturday, July 18
Trafficking bros arrested by feds in Miami
Social media rapefluencers Andrew and Tristan Tate were taken into custody by federal law enforcement in Miami on Saturday, related to more and more charges of sexual assault from the UK.🐊
United agent threatens to call ICE on US citizen
A United Airlines worker at SFO turned a ticketing mix-up into a stellar opportunity to racially profile and threaten a U.S. citizen. "Maybe we should call ICE on you. You’re not acting like a citizen," the patriotic ray of sunshine is heard saying on video.🐊
How a joke launched a salad-based panic
"...a 30-second video of someone describing their week chained to the bathroom will keep people away from the salad aisle significantly faster than a CDC case count ever could. Not because it's more truthful, but because it's immediate—and because almost nobody looks at case counts."🐊